Goldilocks Gets Fat and Fasts

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Princess Frances. She had golden hair and eyes as green as emeralds. Frances loved to eat, and she loved her body because it never got fat. Then one day, as her mother had predicted, her eating habits "started catching up with her". Frances suddenly realized that she was now 25 years old, and although she was still youthful, her metabolism just wasn't like it used to be. "Oh well!" though Frances, she still didn't care! She kept eating and eating and eating until her heart's content. Ledgend has it that she would have two apple pies and a sesame bun for breakfast, three chocolate bars for lunch and merely toast at teatime.

Then one day, Frances made a ginormous Macaroni and Cheese. She shared it with her friend, Princess Bernadette, whom after one peice said "Oh dear, I'm full". Frances had 9 peices and finished the Macaroni and Cheese herself! It was only then that she said "Oh dear, I'm full too." The next day, Frances had terrible stomach pains. She called in sick for two days (for the first time in two years). She spent all day by the lavatory, moaning and groaning.

That night, while Frances was slumped by the toilet, a beautiful woman appeared before her. The woman was swathed in shiny pink fabrics, and she was sitting in lotus position upon a puff of cloud. "Hello Frances, do not be afraid, I am your fairy godmother" said the woman. "Oh Fairy godmother, what on Earth shall I do?" cried Frances. "Fear not my dear, all you must do is drink water for one week, and then you will be cured". "What?" the confused Frances cocked her head, "but what shall I eat?" "Nothing." replied the fairy godmother. "But that's proposterous!" sniffed Frances "I'll starve to death! Not to mention my metabolism will become that of a sleeping bear and I'll just get even fatter afterwards." "Not if you follow my explixcit instructions...Now listen Frances, you will loose your hunger by the third day. Get lots of rest, do some yoga, and you'll be fine. On the morning of the 8th day, you can drink some watered down, fresh orange juice. Stick to juices and soups for a week, and after that, eat healthily. Your body will have forgotten its addiction to sugars". And with a poof, the fairy god mother was gone.

Frances listened to her fairy godmother. For breakfast she "ate" a bowl of water "cereal". For lunch she drank some water "tea", and at dinner she "ate" some water "soup". By the end of the fourth day, Frances had so much energy that she wrote in her journal: "If every day after this is just as good as yesterday and today, I could go for 10 days!" The next day she wrote: "I spoke to soon...ugh..." She slept for hours every day and slept all nightlong.

She still did yoga, and had somehow picked up the habit of talking to plants, one plant in particular, whom she called "heart tree". It became her new best friend.

One day she woke up, and it was the 8th day! She stepped on a scale and realized that she had lost 20lbs! She knew she would gain it all back if she wasn't careful. For two days she only drank fruit juice, and continued to drink at least 2 litres of water a day. Her friend advised her to eat rice or potato gruel instead of fruit juice because the juice had too much sugar. Unfortunately her "potato gruel" turned into a sophisticated carrot/potato/tomato curry soup which gave her stomach pains after 2 tablespoons.

"ARGH! This is the hardest part!" screamed Frances. Since she started drinking juice, she was SO HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. She would stay up late at night, drooling over recipies and looking longfully at restaurant menus. She couldn't sleep because she dreamed of veggie burgers, burritos, and curry. But the stomach pains staved her off. Everytime she tried to eat something that her stomach didn't like, it let her know, and it was back to a watery rice porridge for Frances.

She was careful for a week, only eating soups and drinking water. Royal guests brought her chocolate cake and McDonalds french fries, but Frances had no urge to eat any of it. She bought many fresh vegetables and fruits and reclaimed herself as a true vegetarian (not a junk-food-etarian). On the 5th day Frances ate an apple for breakfast and said "Oh dear, I'm full." She couldn't believe she was full after a single apple. For lunch and dinner she made a delicious red lentil soup. After a single bowl Frances said "Oh dear, I'm full".

On the 6th day Frances ate an orange for breakfast. She said "Oh dear, I'm full". For lunch she finished her soup. In the afternoon she made a delicious and healthy vegan strawberry banana bread. It had 15 strawberries, an apple, and 4 bananas in it. No sugar! Frances felt proud that she could make something so healthy...not to mention that she didn't even want to eat the whole loaf! Just a single peice and Frances said "Oh dear, I'm full".

The End

"Aretha Coy"

Hmmm...I really hope my tea "Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa" (from Hong Kong) doesn't have any hallucinogenics in it...I would have swore that while stirring my tea, the spoon was making a noise that sounded like someone whispering "Aretha Coy" over and over again. Maybe I'm just tired. Well, there's another character name for my fourthcoming novel.

The Puddle Less Traveled By

My view walking to school this morning. This is one of those puddles you could fall into...Into another world! I love the texture of the street in this shot, and the lonely peice of red garbage that sets the street aflame.

It also reminds me of an Anne of Green Gables quote:

"When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla. I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on."

Rinsing Cereal

Until recently, it was almost impossible to find a relatively healthy cereal in Gangwon-Do. Sugar coated frosted flakes masquerade as "Well Being" cereal...HA! The flakes are smothered in a shiny shell of high fructose corn syrup, making the cereal almost impallitable. In order to get my daily dose of cereal deliciousness, I have been forced to rinse and strain my cereal before adding milk. Luckily, E-Mart now stocks a good brand of flakes that are sugar free. I've also noticed that a non-sweetened yogurt is being advertised on TV. No wonder Koreans think North Americans are so unhealthy, our healthy alternatives are just arriving here.



One of the culprits: "Almond Flakes" (pronounce in Korean like "Al-mon-duh Pu-lake-suh") is the cereal that I had to wash before eating.

Most Expensive Monday Morning Ever!

So today I went to Chuncheon to update my alien card. The immigration office had moved to a farther location, which cost me $20 in taxi rides to and from the bus terminal. The visa extension itseld was $30, then I stopped off at the doctor, another $40. Then E-mart, another $30. Throw in the bus fares for another $8. I'll round that up to $10. Let's see: I spent $140 before 11am!

Later in the day I surfed craig's list and then amused myself by toggeling between my newest photoshop creation, and the original photograph. I really crack myself up.

Well, at least I'm not alone.

518 million people are thinking the same thing. It would be an interesting anthropological study to see how many people use the internet as a tool for divination.

"Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw...Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore...A hundred billion castaways, looking for a home"

Reincarnated Steel

According to the New York Times, the American Navy have just completed a new 684ft assalt ship built with 7.5 tonnes of steel from the World Trade Center, which was destroyed 8 years ago in the infamous September 11th attacks. Rescue workers and families of those killed in the attack gathered on the waterfront today to watch the "USS New York" glide past the Statue of Liberty and down the Hudson River. The ship will be commissioned for duty on November 7. What does this mean? It seems like revenge: reincarnating the victim as a weapon of war. Coupled with the American flags and statue of liberty in the background, I can't help but feel that the American values of freedom are tied up too intricately with violence. The Peace Tower that is supposedly being built at ground 0, is barely above street level. What does this say about American values?